He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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