Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
