OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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