i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
