I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
