very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i wish my penis had a tongue
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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