I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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