1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
