It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
