Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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