No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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