Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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