she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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