ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
