Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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