I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
