Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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