that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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