I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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