you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
PANTIES FOUND
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