How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
