Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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