It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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