If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
