watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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