What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
