I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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