I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
