I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
