Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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