I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
