I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
