the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
