I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
