Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
