hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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