May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
