beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
