This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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