insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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