So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
