Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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