Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
