I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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