I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He passed out mid-signature
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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