good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
