some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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