New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
