I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
