Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
