this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
we're making bets on your personal life
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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