Can i not drive my cunt home
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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