Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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