Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
