I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
